Nerds For Words
Friday, August 17, 2007
What First Amendment?
Nicole and Jeffrey Rank found themselves surrounded at a public event, handcuffed, removed by police, and held in police custody for around an hour and a half. What crime did they commit? Were they trying to steal something? Did they have a concealed weapon? Were they in possession of illegal substances? Actually, no. They were arrested for wearing anti-Bush t-shirts. The place was the West Virginia state capitol and the year 2004. The venue? A George W. Bush presidential rally. The Ranks were registered Republicans, too, come to peacefully show their dissent as a symbol of their disenchantment with the administration. There was nothing vulgar or obscene on their t-shirts, just slogans like "regime change starts at home." This is what America has come to under our wonderful President Bush.
Today it was announced that the federal government is paying the couple $80,000 to make them (and their ACLU lawsuit) go away. It seems grossly unfair for the American taxpayers to foot the bill for fascist gaffes by Bush's cronies, but hey - we're paying billions a week for a pointless and unwinnable war - so what's another 80 grand?
And do not think this was just a case of security making a blunder. No, investigation into the matter has revealed the existence of a "Presidential Advance Manual" in which Bush officials have mandated certain security procedures at events where President Bush speaks to prevent dissent or protest. Apparently Bush likes it to at least appear that everyone agrees with him, and the easiest way to do that is to keep the ones who don't outside. The manual also calls for groups of young republicans to be trained to shout down any protesters who do get inside, and even block them physically from getting near any video cameras. That's democracy in action!
I know this is probably too obvious to mention, but aren't we fighting in Iraq to bring democracy to the freedom-starved people of that unfortunate country? Well, what about having some democracy here, too? I think we could all use some. I expect to hear of this kind of dissent-killing policymaking in countries led by evil tyrants and ruthless dictators, but in America, the "land of the free?" It's unbelievable what this administration has gotten away with.
So, the government has settled the Ranks' lawsuit. But the most amazing part of the story is this: A government spokesman says, "The parties understand that this settlement is a compromise of disputed claims to avoid the expenses and risks of litigation and is not an admission of fault, liability, or wrongful conduct."
Right. What a class act our government is. ¶ 7:39 AM 1 comments
Nicole and Jeffrey Rank found themselves surrounded at a public event, handcuffed, removed by police, and held in police custody for around an hour and a half. What crime did they commit? Were they trying to steal something? Did they have a concealed weapon? Were they in possession of illegal substances? Actually, no. They were arrested for wearing anti-Bush t-shirts. The place was the West Virginia state capitol and the year 2004. The venue? A George W. Bush presidential rally. The Ranks were registered Republicans, too, come to peacefully show their dissent as a symbol of their disenchantment with the administration. There was nothing vulgar or obscene on their t-shirts, just slogans like "regime change starts at home." This is what America has come to under our wonderful President Bush.
Today it was announced that the federal government is paying the couple $80,000 to make them (and their ACLU lawsuit) go away. It seems grossly unfair for the American taxpayers to foot the bill for fascist gaffes by Bush's cronies, but hey - we're paying billions a week for a pointless and unwinnable war - so what's another 80 grand?
And do not think this was just a case of security making a blunder. No, investigation into the matter has revealed the existence of a "Presidential Advance Manual" in which Bush officials have mandated certain security procedures at events where President Bush speaks to prevent dissent or protest. Apparently Bush likes it to at least appear that everyone agrees with him, and the easiest way to do that is to keep the ones who don't outside. The manual also calls for groups of young republicans to be trained to shout down any protesters who do get inside, and even block them physically from getting near any video cameras. That's democracy in action!
I know this is probably too obvious to mention, but aren't we fighting in Iraq to bring democracy to the freedom-starved people of that unfortunate country? Well, what about having some democracy here, too? I think we could all use some. I expect to hear of this kind of dissent-killing policymaking in countries led by evil tyrants and ruthless dictators, but in America, the "land of the free?" It's unbelievable what this administration has gotten away with.
So, the government has settled the Ranks' lawsuit. But the most amazing part of the story is this: A government spokesman says, "The parties understand that this settlement is a compromise of disputed claims to avoid the expenses and risks of litigation and is not an admission of fault, liability, or wrongful conduct."
Right. What a class act our government is. ¶ 7:39 AM 1 comments
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Doh!
Homer would disown me if I were his son.
I went to the mini-mart last night to get some beer to serve our guests and bought the finest the mini-mart had to offer (bless you, Apu)-- Saint Pauli Girl. I had a beer while waiting for the guests to arrive. Then a neighbor wandered by, so I offered him a beer and he graciously accepted. Then my wife asked if we had any real beer, and pointed out that I had brought home nothing but non-alcoholic beer.
Woe is me-- still two more to drink. ¶ 6:59 PM 0 comments
Homer would disown me if I were his son.
I went to the mini-mart last night to get some beer to serve our guests and bought the finest the mini-mart had to offer (bless you, Apu)-- Saint Pauli Girl. I had a beer while waiting for the guests to arrive. Then a neighbor wandered by, so I offered him a beer and he graciously accepted. Then my wife asked if we had any real beer, and pointed out that I had brought home nothing but non-alcoholic beer.
Woe is me-- still two more to drink. ¶ 6:59 PM 0 comments
Thursday, August 02, 2007
New religion
I've been reading Under the Banner of Heaven, an outsider's perspective on the history of the Mormon church. I'm fascinated by the number of revelations Mormons have experienced and continue to experience. What I find particularly interesting is that God continues to use old-timey grammar (with a little bit of Yoda thrown in), even when revealing his desires and plans for the modern world. It is as if God learned English by reading Shakespeare and has grudgingly added new vocabulary to get His will done.
He might say, "Lo, my servant Steve, thou art truly needing a sixpack of strong drink, if thy wife doeth not to honor thee and respect thy holy covenant thou needest to thump her."
I guess the contorted sentences leave enough wiggle room that you can interpret however you like. I dunno.
Keeping in the Spirit, I thought it appropriate to document before you, my internet brethren, the First Revelation delivered unto me. So here it is, more or less verbatim.
"Verily, Saint Ted, move thy family unto the Holy City*. Bring forth upon that soil a new lineage, and useth disposable diapers.
"And I say unto you, all that do not follow thee to the Holy City may be damned, for only there may the others receive My word from you.
"If a man should visit thee upon the creation of the new house of Ted, he may be saved, though he live in a city of damnation such as Dallas or Columbus.
"Go back to sleep now."
Straight from the Man. You heard it here first.
*Church scholars agree that Holy City refers either to Houston or to Sugar Land. ¶ 7:05 AM 2 comments
I've been reading Under the Banner of Heaven, an outsider's perspective on the history of the Mormon church. I'm fascinated by the number of revelations Mormons have experienced and continue to experience. What I find particularly interesting is that God continues to use old-timey grammar (with a little bit of Yoda thrown in), even when revealing his desires and plans for the modern world. It is as if God learned English by reading Shakespeare and has grudgingly added new vocabulary to get His will done.
He might say, "Lo, my servant Steve, thou art truly needing a sixpack of strong drink, if thy wife doeth not to honor thee and respect thy holy covenant thou needest to thump her."
I guess the contorted sentences leave enough wiggle room that you can interpret however you like. I dunno.
Keeping in the Spirit, I thought it appropriate to document before you, my internet brethren, the First Revelation delivered unto me. So here it is, more or less verbatim.
"Verily, Saint Ted, move thy family unto the Holy City*. Bring forth upon that soil a new lineage, and useth disposable diapers.
"And I say unto you, all that do not follow thee to the Holy City may be damned, for only there may the others receive My word from you.
"If a man should visit thee upon the creation of the new house of Ted, he may be saved, though he live in a city of damnation such as Dallas or Columbus.
"Go back to sleep now."
Straight from the Man. You heard it here first.
*Church scholars agree that Holy City refers either to Houston or to Sugar Land. ¶ 7:05 AM 2 comments
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Good morning to YOU!
After almost an hour of back and forth discussion, everyone finally capitulated to the unanimous desire of all of us to go fishing. We even arrived at a 5:00 wakeup time, and a plan for breakfast (with time left for the old guys to have their morning constitutionals) and a 6:30 fishing start.
¶ 8:49 PM 0 comments
My recent fishign trip to Labrador was all that you would hope for from an 8 day vacatoin. Uninterrupted by cell phones, television and other modern "conveniences" I was able to read 6 or 7 books, drink much alcohol and spend time with my fellow fishermen.
Where it got a little weird is when you consider that the average age in camp was more than double my age, with our "gang" consisteing of two brothers aged 79 and 83, a couple old buddies aged 77 and 80, my 62 year old dad, and the 18 year old grandon of the 79 year old brother.
Where it got a little weird is when you consider that the average age in camp was more than double my age, with our "gang" consisteing of two brothers aged 79 and 83, a couple old buddies aged 77 and 80, my 62 year old dad, and the 18 year old grandon of the 79 year old brother.
After almost an hour of back and forth discussion, everyone finally capitulated to the unanimous desire of all of us to go fishing. We even arrived at a 5:00 wakeup time, and a plan for breakfast (with time left for the old guys to have their morning constitutionals) and a 6:30 fishing start.
This left one tricky detail. 5:00 was earlier than George normally woke up, and despite his many medical ailments, he was very much afraid that he might oversleep. Now for most people this means setting an alarm, but for people with hearing aids, this is a little trickier. So he deputized me!
What an honor. He bestowed on me his 1970s travel alarm clock and taught me how to read it, and showed me the light that you could turn on by depressing the button labeled light. Wonders never cease. He then set the clock for 4:00 and asked me to come wake him up.
So I begrudginlgy awoke the next morning and walked to the door of his room. I thought about knocking, but a man who can't hear an alarm clock can't hear someone knocking on the door. So I opened it slowly so as not to alarm him and prepared to go in to shake his arm.
To my surprise, he was lieing their on top of the covers, wide awak, naked from the waste down. Just looking up at me like, "what are you doing here." I turned around ran back to my room, and struggled to rid my mind of the vision of my 83 year old genitals that will undoubtedly haunt me for the next 51 years.
Why couldn't he just leave his hearing aid in?
