Thursday, December 14, 2006
Astro-Scamming
My local AM talk radio station frequently airs ads for something called the "International Star Registry." Apparently someone has figured out how to take something of which there is a virtually inexhaustible supply, which belongs to nobody and everybody, and which can never be possessed in any meaningful way - and sell branding rights to it. For $50 and up, you can have a star named after you or a loved one. It makes a perfect gift, they say.
Intrigued, I contacted them to see if the Sun is still available. Instant immortality -- generations from now people will awaken when the Chuck comes up, hang out on the beach for a Chuck tan, and so on. Unfortunately the Sun was already taken (a long time ago in Greece by a dude named Helios). But a fortiori, I found out the star-naming is not recognized by any scientific standards body or international organization. You wouldn't know it without reading the fine, fine print, but you're buying only a pretty little certificate and some symbolic gesture to your unsuspecting loved one. (For about $30 more, you can get a hardcover book with information about your star, and those of the rest of the suckers).
It made me wonder: if all you're selling is a meaningless naming of something that isn't yours, why stop at stars? Why not planets, mountains and rivers? Care to name a city after your aunt Gina? Or a species of beetle? Or The Beatles? (Maybe you never cared for their name). What about renaming a movie star? Or a branch of mathematics? The (financial) possibilities are endless. Any bids on a new name for this blog? ¶ 10:42 PM
My local AM talk radio station frequently airs ads for something called the "International Star Registry." Apparently someone has figured out how to take something of which there is a virtually inexhaustible supply, which belongs to nobody and everybody, and which can never be possessed in any meaningful way - and sell branding rights to it. For $50 and up, you can have a star named after you or a loved one. It makes a perfect gift, they say.Intrigued, I contacted them to see if the Sun is still available. Instant immortality -- generations from now people will awaken when the Chuck comes up, hang out on the beach for a Chuck tan, and so on. Unfortunately the Sun was already taken (a long time ago in Greece by a dude named Helios). But a fortiori, I found out the star-naming is not recognized by any scientific standards body or international organization. You wouldn't know it without reading the fine, fine print, but you're buying only a pretty little certificate and some symbolic gesture to your unsuspecting loved one. (For about $30 more, you can get a hardcover book with information about your star, and those of the rest of the suckers).
It made me wonder: if all you're selling is a meaningless naming of something that isn't yours, why stop at stars? Why not planets, mountains and rivers? Care to name a city after your aunt Gina? Or a species of beetle? Or The Beatles? (Maybe you never cared for their name). What about renaming a movie star? Or a branch of mathematics? The (financial) possibilities are endless. Any bids on a new name for this blog? ¶ 10:42 PM
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Pheww.. so much for stocking stuffers. I'm gonna name a dustmite after spencer and the fill his stocking with dust.
Those of us who sell (and buy) pretty little certificates that have only a vague tie to reality resent the implication that selling something that people want to believe in, but is in fact imaginary, might not be completely on the up-and-up. Sorry about writing such a long sentence. I know better, but it's so easy to keep adding commas, and tacking a little bit on at the end, that I often get carried away, until I have quite a run-on.
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