Busin' it Texas Style My cousin Toby always had a good story involving public transportation. I shall attempt to channel Toby from whatever astral plane former punk rock band managers inhabit, because I think his story is important and one that must be heard.
You need to know some background on Toby. Toby was raised for the most part by his grandmother, a well-to-do widow of a Texas oilman. His grandmother, Tiny, was a sweet woman who observed rules of etiquette chapter and verse, and whose friends do the same. To her credit, she was completely comfortable in the company of Toby's punk rock friends with their assorted tattoos, piercings, and questionable gender identities.
On Toby's wedding day, he made the first toast at the reception. While Tiny and all of her white-glove clad friends watched and smiled, Toby grabbed a bottle of champaigne and raised it up. I'm pretty sure the toast was this: "This toast is for me, because I'm the luckiest motherfucker in here!"
Upon which Toby drained the bottle (not easy with a bottle of carbonated beverage), and Tiny and her friends clapped and smiled uneasily.
Now that I've suckered you into reading all that, I confess that I can't remember any specific bus-riding stories about Toby. I remember that he often found himself without a car, and had to ride the bus. The way he told it, you can't get anywhere in Austin in less than 2 hours by bus. All buses go to the middle of town, where you transfer to a downtown bus, then transfer to another bus going away from downtown. Then you have to either walk a long way or transfer to nother bus on the perimeter of town that takes you closer to where you want to go.
All the while, old toothless men with the stench of cheap alcohol take turns sitting next to you. They mumble a few words (something I'm known to do as well), and then laugh unexpectedly at a joke nobody told.
Toby's days an operator for Roy's Taxis were pretty good, too. It seeems that most of his clientele were coming in town from the airport. They invariable asked Toby if he could hook them up with drugs (Toby looks the part, but doesn't actually partake), or if he could set them up with 'girls'. I'm always impressed by the nerve of somebody who can ask a perfect stranger to help them find a prostitute, but evidently there are lots of these people walking around in nice suits and traveling on business. once again, Toby was unable to oblige. He finally got out of that racket because the ten year old taxi Roy had supplied him with needed repairs, and insisted that it come out of Toby's fares.
So, if you ever find yourself passing through Austin, I strongly recommend you spend the money on a rental car.  ¶ 9:49 AM