Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Ask Sherwin Williams
The following is a conversation overheard not long ago, in a suburb near you. These are not actors; I could not get actors to actually read these lines. I hope that you, my audience, are not so particular.
Muffy and Perry are two young suburb-dwelling professionals, with children named Mackenzie, Kylie, and Cole. The children's gender is indeterminate, but they are all painfully cute and smartly dressed. Perry is successful tax lawyer, and Muffy plays tennis with the gang from Junior League. They are normally a very happy family, but tonight they're conflicted. Perry has brought home several paint samples so they can choose the perfect color for their dining room, but none of them seems just right.
Muffy: They're all so dark! Why didn't you get any lighter paints?
Perry: I know. They looked great on the paint chips, but they're so dark when you put them up on the wall.
Muffy: I kind of like the Harbor Fog. It would look nice with the green in the Wedgewood.
Perry: Is that the light blue? I think we need something darker to accentuate the teak floors.
Muffy: What about the Vintage Wine then? And we could do the trim in Golf Tee white.
Perry: Why not get wild? We could do Rosy Tan on the walls and ceiling, and go with Aspen White for the trim.
Muffy: Absolutely not! Rosy Tan would make this place look like a whorehouse! Is that what you want?
Perry: Well, that doesn't sound all that bad some days.
Muffy: What is that supposed to mean? Are you still mad at me because I won't go down on you any more?
Perry: Oh, please! You never held a candle to my secretary. Like I'd miss that.
Muffy: Your secretary is a pus-filled douchebag! How about just painting the room All Pink on the Inside and Yeast Infection Yellow for the trim? Would that make you happy?
The rest of the conversation was deleted by the censors on grounds of indecency. In short, the young couple went back and forth for many hours, and never reached anything they could agree upon. They grudgingly decided on off-white for the walls and white trim, like everybody else. ¶ 8:55 PM
Muffy and Perry are two young suburb-dwelling professionals, with children named Mackenzie, Kylie, and Cole. The children's gender is indeterminate, but they are all painfully cute and smartly dressed. Perry is successful tax lawyer, and Muffy plays tennis with the gang from Junior League. They are normally a very happy family, but tonight they're conflicted. Perry has brought home several paint samples so they can choose the perfect color for their dining room, but none of them seems just right.
Muffy: They're all so dark! Why didn't you get any lighter paints?
Perry: I know. They looked great on the paint chips, but they're so dark when you put them up on the wall.
Muffy: I kind of like the Harbor Fog. It would look nice with the green in the Wedgewood.
Perry: Is that the light blue? I think we need something darker to accentuate the teak floors.
Muffy: What about the Vintage Wine then? And we could do the trim in Golf Tee white.
Perry: Why not get wild? We could do Rosy Tan on the walls and ceiling, and go with Aspen White for the trim.
Muffy: Absolutely not! Rosy Tan would make this place look like a whorehouse! Is that what you want?
Perry: Well, that doesn't sound all that bad some days.
Muffy: What is that supposed to mean? Are you still mad at me because I won't go down on you any more?
Perry: Oh, please! You never held a candle to my secretary. Like I'd miss that.
Muffy: Your secretary is a pus-filled douchebag! How about just painting the room All Pink on the Inside and Yeast Infection Yellow for the trim? Would that make you happy?
The rest of the conversation was deleted by the censors on grounds of indecency. In short, the young couple went back and forth for many hours, and never reached anything they could agree upon. They grudgingly decided on off-white for the walls and white trim, like everybody else. ¶ 8:55 PM
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