The Calvin Family Blessing is derived, I believe, from the following stock Catholic mealtime prayer:
Bless us O Lord,
And these, thy gifts,
Which we are about to receive,
From thy bounty,
Through Christ our Lord we pray,
Amen.
In our house, however, this prayer was run together into one big word and recited as fast as possible before each meal:
blessusolordandthesethygiftswhichweareabouttoreceivefromthybountythrough-
christourlordwepray. Amen!
It would probably look amusing to an outsider; four people holding hands, staring into plates of food, and apparently speaking in tongues simultaneously. It’s much faster to mumble it this way, so you don’t have to slow down and think about what you’re saying when what you really want to do is dig into the meatloaf getting cold on your plate. I guess the idea is to get the obligatory prayer out of the way quickly, so you can eat but God won’t blast you to hell for irreverance.
Ultimately, this should be carried to its logical end—the shortest prayer possible that covers all the bases. God’s neat, let’s eat. But somehow this comes off as being flippant, even though it’s arguably more sincere than the one-word, 85-letter prayer quoted above.
So what to do?
Why not rewind back to the bad old days, and do a little sacrifice before each meal? I’m all for fire, and it would be a simple matter to install a bunsen burner at the table. Little piles of food, whatever we’re having for dinner, could be incinerated ritually as a way of offering thanks to whoever might be watching. Meats would work well, but vegetables like broccoli that absorb a lot of water during cooking might take too long. Salad would be completely out, but dinner rolls would probably burn ok. Fondue is pretty much a slam dunk, while a single-course meal of stew or soup would be tough. A smoke hood and a fire extinguisher would probably come in handy, now that I think about this a little more.
While I wait for the next holiday where I can try this out, I’ll be recompiling other prayers, such as the Act of Contrition, into their streamlined single-word format for convenient compliance. I think I may need this one shortly after posting this blog. OmyGodIamheartilysorryforhavingoffended- TheeandIdetestallmysinsbecauseIdreadthelossofheavenandthepainsofhellbutmostofallbecause- theyoffendTheemyGodWhoareallgoodanddeservingofallmyloveIfirmlyresolvewiththehelpofThy- gracetoconfessmysinstodopenanceandtoamendmylife. ¶ 11:03 PM
