Thursday, August 03, 2006
To set a more literary tone for myself, I want to post a narrative I started a couple of weeks ago. I also want to think of one or two more people who might post once a week or so. Any ideas? Well, here's my uplifting story about cat feces:
A Tribute to Princess Jill
A Tribute to Princess Jill
The cat crapped in the sink. I don’t know what made her regard the disposal as a subsitutue for her litterbox. It was a stroke of pet genius, really, considering I never succeeded in teaching her anything before that. The smell was godawful. The pooh had probably been sitting there a couple of days while we were gone, getting nice and festy in the dampness of the sink. I did the only thing I could think of, which was to run some water and turn on the disposal. Then I cut up a lemon and ground it up, too, and sprayed the whole works with lemon-scented bleach for good measure.
Princess Jill crapped in the sink. That was her special way of telling me I’d pissed her off, that I had wronged her and she wasn’t going to just let it go. I rescued the cat from a life of abandonment in urban Austin 7 years ago, and it’s been about six years since I started to regret it. I provide a home for her and what little affection and attention the Princess allows humans to bestow upon her. The Princess has no appreciation for these facts. She onle knows that I left her alone for a week, and for that the appropriate punishment is a sink full of cat shit. I wish she would hurry up and die, but I probably have 7 or 8 more years of cat ownership to look forward to. ¶ 3:50 PM
Comments:
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This only goes to prove my theory that cats are evil and should never be trusted. They are fuzzy and their purring disarms you when you want to smack them around or dropkick them.
I should dig around and find a short-short little thing I wrote years ago about this stoner that was kicking a can down the street and saw a cat with 5 legs walk by - right then and there he decided to lay off the reefer once and for all... but it turned out it was just a cat with a fork stuck in its ass.
I liked your tale, only it's sad that it's a true story. To get her back you should give her a nice soapy shampoo about once per day. I heard somewhere that cats really get pissed off when you try to do that.
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I should dig around and find a short-short little thing I wrote years ago about this stoner that was kicking a can down the street and saw a cat with 5 legs walk by - right then and there he decided to lay off the reefer once and for all... but it turned out it was just a cat with a fork stuck in its ass.
I liked your tale, only it's sad that it's a true story. To get her back you should give her a nice soapy shampoo about once per day. I heard somewhere that cats really get pissed off when you try to do that.
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